I remember, out of habit, going to my boyfriend's on non-kid nights (I'm a divorced mom) and grabbing a beer from his fridge. First one was fine... then we'd be watching a movie and dinner would be done and I'd run to the kitchen for another... then midway through the movie I would wonder, "If I go get a third beer, will he care/say anything?" It was all of this internal negotiation that really got to be a pain. But it never added up to "that's it I'm done" until the last day I drank. It was culminitave. I guess I had been attempting moderation my entire drinking career, making all these negotiations, promises, "resolutions", whatever. And when it came down to it, any restriction I placed on myself usually had the opposite effect. It wasn't until I actually stated, out loud, "I've had enough, I have a problem, I do not want to drink again" that I shocked myself into action. The action always has to be final with addiction. There can be no negotiating. It's all or nothing. And the freedom from that internal dialogue is so worth it.
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