Alcoholic/Drink dependent, same thing?

[freemotion]

Is it possible for an alcoholic to stop drinking by themselves? What do you term an alcoholic? This is such a grey area. Hoping to elicit a few responses.

[EveryNewBeginning]

freemotion. I believe that ANYONE can stop drinking if they choose to do so.

if they term themselves a drunk or an alcoholic or a casual drinker or whatever.

We make the choice to pick up the bottle or the glass, we make the choice to pour it down our throat or not.

We can make, and many have made, the choice NOT to drink.

My thoughts though.

[freemotion]

I agree. For myself I know I was drink dependent, whether I was an alcoholic or not who knows. All I know is in the eight days I have not drunk I feel far better in myself, and I dont want to ruin that by going back to my old ways. No way.

[HollyJM]

'Yes' to the first question. I do know one who did -- without any support group whatsoever, no WQD, no medication, nothing. Just stopped, after years of alcohol abuse.

'Alcoholic' is just a label, but people know in their own hearts when their drinking is a problem. Sooner or later. The problem is in the early stages, when one doesn't realize warning signs point to bigger problems ahead.

[Rich]

I know a guy that quit with no support group. But he just seemed very bitter about it

[John]

Sure. But it seems to be a lot easier to get some help and advice from addiction experts and more importantly others who also have an alcohol problem. It also tends to lead to a more contented 'post drinking' life.

Best

[John]

I wanted to add one thing - in my opinion, alcoholism is many many shades of grey all the way to pitch black. I've found too many people want it to be black and white so they can put themselves 'on the right side of the fence'. If you view alcoholism as only pitch black, then if that behavior doesn't describe you, you're good to go with no concerns. Dealing with it is for those other people over there.

The truth is usually there is probably a lot to be concerned about.

[Indiglow]

When you're caught in the throes of active drinking, the most shameful thing you can think of is not what you've done as a drunk.

It's asking for help. Don't ask me why, I don't know, but every alcoholic who has sobered up has said this to me... they were ashamed to reach out and ask for help.

The truth is that there is help, in many flavours and varieties. And asking for help makes you stronger, not weaker. Asking for help is a sign that you care about yourself enough to do this.

Some people do stop drinking by themselves. But if you read Anne Fletcher's Sober for Good, where she interviewed over 200 former alcoholics, you'll find that in each case they relied on something. Sometimes it was family, or friends. Sometimes a therapist or a doctor. Sometimes a support forum or a book. Sometimes it was just the company of other alcoholics.

In the end, none of us does this "by ourselves". We do ask for help, in whatever ways we can receive it. John had a great list of suggestions, and this place can really help shore up your sobriety. Use what feels right to you.

[Icarus]

Is it possible for an alcoholic to stop drinking by themselves? What do you term an alcoholic? This is such a grey area. Hoping to elicit a few responses.

Yes it is possible to stop by yourself. For more substantive and long-lasting changes though a community of folk going through something similar is extremely useful. This is my second quit. The first was for around 10 months. Much of this was characterised by denial although stress was to be expected as I was in the last year of my PhD! This time around though, with the exception of the odd spike of the AV, it has been relatively denial free. I think this has been because I know that moderation does not work, I tried it.

Only last night I was pouring my partner a glass of wine and was struck by how odd the situation is: two people alone in France, one can happily sip a glass of red evening, the other will finish the bottle and by eying up the next. The second will also be tempted to neck the remains of a glass in the morning so as to take the edge of the hangover.

Do I want that back? No thanks!

So although one can go it alone, be sure you can have somewhere you can touch base, organise and express your thoughts.

I'm not sure asking 'what is an alcoholic' is a meaningful question. In a sense the stigma of the word has overtaken any useful category a person may belong to. I for one refuse to use the word as it implies weakness. Instead I feel strong, stronger than most and in control of my destiny. Few people in life are challenged to wrest control of their lives but rather float on through unaware of the currents directing them. As to what is a problem drinker, well, if you're here, you have a problem!

[freemotion]

Icarus,
You are right in the fact I had a drink problem, that is why I am on this site and will continue to do so. For years I muddled on through life with the drink as my security in times of need. One of the reasons I started to drink is that I disliked my own company, I could not seem to stop the painful thoughts that kept coming into my head and robbing me of my peace of mind.
The drink did ease those thoughts I have to admit, I guess the drink helped me to carry on, but only to exist. That is what I can see now with my new and sober mind, and that sobriety will be guarded and defended-at all cost.
There is no way I want to go back to the days when alcohol was the centre of my world,leading me like a bull by the nose. I recoil in myself when thinking of the things that wretched spirit drove me to do, not caring a damn about my my dignity, my reputation my driving licence and so on. All came second place to that cursed drink.
I can empathise whole heartedly with anybody in the situation I was in,
I would never, ever condemn or look down on anybody who has become a servant to the bottle. Its just so cunning and devious, a master of illusion and delusion. Softly leading you down that road beguiling you with empty promises and reassurances while taking away what little you had.
I cherish the fact I can now be by myself, be constructive and function
with a sober mind. I am starting to set goals, get my enthusiasm back for things I care about and appreciate what I do have. I have a nice house, a modest job, but now I have put the drink behind me I can, at last, develop and grow in myself and be of far more value and give far more of myself in a meaningful way. This sounds strange, but it is true and is a marvellous thing to experience: I am getting to know myself and what it is I want from life.
With my feelings, emotions and inner self being in such turmoil for such a long time I was driven not by my own true self but by my AV which had not my best intentions but quite the opposite.
There is just one last, but most important thing to say in conclusion to all this.
I have not, and could not have stopped drinking by myself. Alan Carrs book was a very good help for me to take the first tentative steps and endure my own company without drink for the odd nights but I really struggled. This site was and is a real blessing, I have been astounded by the resonses and absolute gems of wisdom from the kind and genuine people on this site who speak straight from the heart and have no ulterior motives other than the joy you all share in seeing a person get their lives right. This has been a total rock of moral support, this is where I continue to touch base.
The key,for me, was my surrender to my Higher power in whom I have always believed, but it wasnt until I took affirmitive action, that "step of faith" that things started to turn out right.
I despatched to the toilet every drop of liqour I had left in the house in front of my Wife and child. I had to let go, this is where I always failed.
There is no way I could have got this far if I had not surrendered to my Higher power. I have always believed but never let go, until the 17th of June.
This has worked for me so far, and this is the best favour I have ever done for myself. Its been the turning point I have waited for all my adult life.

[Icarus]

Powerful stuff! The journey of re-discovering yourself is an interesting and at times raw one. When the AV does strike it is useful to imagine yourself as a child and the things you enjoyed then. I guess if you have kids yourself just sit with them for a few minutes. It certainly puts into perspective any kind of artificial 'pull or need'.

For me the 'higher power' is simply experience of the world as it is. It is spooky to think I've spent years in an alcohol maintained bubble. Very odd indeed. This is reality and it really isn't that bad!

[DiggerDave]

As to what is a problem drinker, well, if you're here, you have a problem!
Thanks Icarus, that about says it for me. In fact, until I came here I didn't realise just how much of a problem I had! The thread Things You Do To Hide Your Drinking was a real eye-opener: like some sort of sleep walker I'd been hiding empties under stuff in the bin, opening cans in different parts of the house/garden to hide the sound, sneaking out to the shops for more, going to different shops etc, etc, hic eck. Lol and shamed-face --- we really do start to drift into our own world, don't we, playing silly games that fool nobody but ourselves.

[Icarus]

That thread was an eye-opener for me too. Sad and depressing although some laugh-out-loud posts too, a bit like the life of a boozer?!

[DiggerDave]

Ya, but without the hangover!