New: Slipping Away Slowly

[Zucker]

Let me introduce myself. I'm Zucker. I'm 32 with kids and what seems to me as a failing marriage. I've been a heavy type drinker for a long time (7-10 years). Sometimes a couple days a week, sometimes a week!!

More recently (say past year or so) things feel out of control. The non stop thinking about drinking, having it effect workdays, interferring with family, the anxiety (ohhh the anxiety) of trying to piece together the day before....

I'm day zero coming off a 5 day bend that zapped almost everything out of me emotionally and physically. That preceeds a decent quit attempt of a month. Today is day two of an epic hang that I tried to ween off of with a sixer yesterday and three today. I have been trying to piece together the last 5 nights with so much anxiety it is working me over.

Didn't get behind the wheel hammered, just with the after effects of the night before and the consumption of each night has made those trips to the store or whatever hazy which I really hate. You all know, the what the hell did I do and can I retrace my steps feeling. Only thing I do know is the amount consumed at night which is staggering.

I have no idea if I have done much damage to myself over the past years without seeing my doctor again. I've been treated for moderatley higher levels of cholesterol and liver test always came back ok. BP a little high but always returning to normal if I attempt a quit. Been about 6-8 months since I have been checked and another contributer to the anxiety is the rapid heart beats coming off bends and horrendous feeling of malaise. Feeling like you have all the symptoms of various end stage diseases and that you can drop at any second.

I'd like to try and form a commitment to ending this madness and enabling my real life. Nobody wants to leave their kids without a parent due to something as self centered as megga abuse of alcohol be it jail or death.

I've read a fair share but right now it is time to lay down and try to sort through the emotional/physical distress.

[ariel]

Hi Zucker,
Welcome to the forum.
You may find that very many things start improving in life when you quit.
Start a diary in the diaries/journals section and post a lot.
It's a good idea to pick a positive name for the thread when you start it, so it is meaningful to you.
It helps a lot of people stay on track, especially at the beginning of their quit.
You will find a lot of support here and a lot of great information.
Congratulations on making a decision to get your life back.
wishing you the best
ariel

[Reed]

Hi Zucker -
Welcome and congratulations on your decision to quit. I can definitely relate
to that re-tracing your steps stuff. I am glad that you found us.
I hope you feel better soon.

[crazy]

Hi Zucker,
We can all relate to your post, from the anxiety involving the blackouts, to the heart pounding dry-outs. It's such an awful existence. I wish I had decided to quit at 32 like you, I waited until 39. You're still young and have plenty life left!

Take it one step at a time. Can you get rid of all booze in the house first? Can you make a commitment to not drink today? Like Ariel said, starting a diary enables you to journal your thoughts and actions each day, and also allows you to start forging relationships here. This is key, as there are so many wise and helpful people on this site.

I never thought I'd be able to stop drinking. And thanks to this site and the people here, I have almost a year sober now. You can do this!
Nice to meet you.

[Lia~~]

Welcome Zucker-- glad you are here. :)

[Ella Fant]

Welcome to you Zucker.
Wow, great first post. Now keep going. Start a journal and read, read, read all the stuff here. It's a great way to spend what used to be your drinking hours.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

[dreamer]

Hi Zucker. Welcome! I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and say more power to ya! You can do this.

[George]

hi zucker, only one thing in the world can make you quit - when you decide it's time to do that.

i know you may feel like you decided after a binge, but you really haven't - it's just you feeling regret and sorrow at your predicament.

give it a few weeks or months, let the brain fog clear out, wait 'til you feel kind of normal again - let the cravings return - that's the golden moment, love it or leave it. when you feel good and you know that having a drink or 20 will make you feel that much better, and having the self control to say "no motherfucker, you aren't killing yourself with alcohol anymore".

[AnnieBodie]

Hi Zucker,

It's nice to meet you. We have a lot in common, not least that we are stopping at the same time.

Best of luck, keep writing. Have you started a journal?

Annie

[Zucker]

Thanks folks. I'm gonna start a journal but I'm still hurting with some physical symptoms (nausea & just tired) and my anxiety has been elevated even in day 3. Gonna eat and lay down.

[Kayvee]

I agree with Ariel, Zucker. Start a diary, with a positive "I can do it" kind of name. You aren't slipping away, you have made a really positive step to get online here, register and post.

Your next step is to get booze out of the house. Then fill the house with good, interesting things to drink. Sparkling cranberry, ginger/apple, pomegranate juice by the gallon. Have some with you at all times.

Go to the store and buy some boxes of Epsom Salts. You might think that one is weird, but dump the whole boxful into a big deep tub of warm water and just soak as long as you like. It really helps.

Come here and post a lot. Know that it does get better.

[Reed]

Good morning Zucker -
I hope you are feeling better.
Have a great weekend.