How do you start to stop drinking ??

[Molting]

This question was posed to our AA group by a newbie.

The general consensus is "You just have to stop". Sounds simple but that doesn't seem enough to pacify a newbie.

We have lots of suggestions for newbies but really is there a fast and true concise way to stop?

For me, just quitting is just the start. There is so much to learn. And time and what you do with it seems to be the best means to maintaining a quit.

Change habits. Live Life. Get on with it. Alcohol doesn't help one bit!!

[iwantasoberlife]

I read a lot. I like The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr. I have said it a million times but I will say it a million more. This book is wonderful and inspirational in ways a person can't even begin to imagine! It really opens your eyes.

I agree, start NOT drinking by putting it down. Get it out of your house, get it out of your life. Do whatever it takes for you to get sober. I still have it in my house since my husband continues to drink but alcohol is no longer a part of MY life. I think in order to quit you must remove it from your mind.

You take away the feelings that it has anything to offer you. You must see alcohol for what it truly is. Poison. Vile. Disaster. Death. Murder. Evil. Prison. Enslavement. Foul. You begin to understand just how ingenious the alcohol trap really is.

I think that then you can effectively quit drinking. When you realize that it has nothing to offer you, nothing to add to your life, and that you are not benefiting from it in the least then you can start NOT drinking.

First step, you have to open your eyes. :eek:

[bigsister987]

I would say it helps to make a plan.

What will you do when you get a craving? - e.g. exercise, eat something, drink something NA, look at a picture of your child etc....

When you go out what will you drink? Practise asking for it out loud. Plan for any questions about your non drinking status. Rehearse the script.

Life throws crap at you sometimes. This is normal. What will you do when you strike a problem, beside drink alcohol. e.g. go to AA, phone a good friend, talk to your spouse, come to WQD and read posts or get in the chatbox and ask for help.

If you plan ahead and make sure you have all the resources to hand you are less likely to fail.

[_paulmh_]

It's a telling question.

Those of us whose drinking had got completely out of control - as opposed to those people who were simply drinking a bit too much - have to find a way of resolving this. It's not abstract or conceptual. It has to be fiercely practical. We don't "resolve" the issue. We simply learn how to "resolve" the issue in any given moment.

If there is better advice than "just don't pick up the first drink, just for today", then I haven't heard it.

[bigsister987]

:eek:


A female me :eek:, brilliant.

You're both cute!!!

[T-Bone]

For me the key to starting to quit was finally realizing once and for all that I was addicted to alcohol. I put a lot of thought (pre-quit) into it. I turned inward and examined my feelings and sensations very closely both while I was drinking and when I was not drinking.

What I observed was that I had built a tolerance to alcohol, and that when I was not drinking, I exhibited "text book" withdrawal symptoms (such as anxiety, and cravings) and finally when I drank again, the withdrawal symptoms went away.

After that, there was no longer any denying it. I am addicted to alcohol.

Some call that "surrender".

Once you know 2 simple facts, the plan forward is simple:

1 - I am addicted to alcohol.
2 - The only way to kick that is to stop drinking completely.

There is a wealth of evidence that clearly shows that moderation doesn not work, so that is not an option.

[Reachup]

I think start falling in love with a vision of yourself and your life without it.

[Sam]

I agree, a big plan covering all bases with one very important component;

FIND A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE DRINKS AND DRINKING TIME

Doing the same with, sans the alcohol will only work for so long. You need to do charity work, a hobby, help another alcoholic, etc.

[John]

That Newbie might have been afraid or overwhelmed by the prospect of life long abstention. For me, shorter term goals helped. T-Bone kind of summed up my feelings of addiction. By getting to an initial "non-addicted" state (30 days) I felt the difference.

Try 30 days. Do you like how you feel better than before? Realize that if you return to drinking, the old feeling will come back? Do you want that? No.

[Molting]

I do like the input here. Thanks.

I find it strange that at the time you need the most information (at the start), you actually are the least informed AND you can't fully recognize who you are. Over time, we learn more, gather more tools to help us, and get a sense of accomplishment and a new self.

Maybe John has it right. Try it short time. See if you like yourself better. See if you like what other experienced quitters have. Do you want what they have?

I do fully recommend strong 3 D support. Others have shown they can quit without it. I quit but I needed more to move forward.

I wanttobesober is right too. If you have a book, "a bible", something to believe in - something that gives you a bridge, Use it. I did use Allen Carr too and in the end, I do feel like I view alcohol as negative. The book still did not get me past my fears. The book still did not fully give me the confidence I would not pickup.

Only within the last week have I felt confident and proven to myself that I don't have to pickup. :) That's a positive step when I needed it most. now.

[Babble]

Hey there,

I think there's aways a danger of making this more difficult than it is.

It also depends on where you are on the addiction wheel.
Your emotional and mental state play a big part,

but


all things being equal


You gotta draw a line in the sand and say 'not today':D

The mind plays games with your motivation-
learn to read the games
formulate the appropriate responses.

If someone said how do you start an exercise program?

Buy runners, a track suit, get up a little earlier in the morning, put one foot in front of the other and generate momentum:rolleyes:

Most important participate in life-

M:D

[iwantasoberlife]

:eek:


A female me :eek:, brilliant.

Aw, I'm so flattered! :o

[iwantasoberlife]

Only within the last week have I felt confident and proven to myself that I don't have to pickup. :) That's a positive step when I needed it most. now.

I am thrilled for you Molting. It's fantastic when we reach that point, isn't it? It's like the complete opposite of reaching your bottom. It's all the good feelings a person can have. Just like there is no bottom to the bottomless pit of the alcohol trap there is also no cap on just how happy you can feel. I believe that life can be bliss if we allow it to be. Abraham Lincoln once said, "People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."

[jujubee]

I think for me it was about
1. knowing w/ every fiber of my being I drank addictively
2. that I could not return to normal drinking
3. that I wanted to change the tailspin my life was in.
4. I would do it by any means neccesary.

I think each one of these realizations is as important as the others. Knowing I was addicted is as key as knowing I have crossed over a line and could not go back to normal as it was making this commitment to myself, and knowing I would employ whatever tools I needed to stay quit.

[Indiglow]

Nice, Juju.

It took me a while and several tries to understand what "just don't drink today" and "one day at a time" really meant.

I had to change my thinking. I was at the stage where I could "stop" for a few days/ weeks but I would inevitably start up again, and the knowledge of so many failed attempts was weighing me down.

Rich posted "just don't drink today, repeat tomorrow" in my journal when I first joined here, and initially I looked at that with great frustration. "If it was that simple, I would have done it," I thought. But it looked like good advice.

Over the next week--and several months--I focused on just cutting it down to each day. I woke up every morning, and thought, "What do I have to do not to drink today, only today?" Each day's issues and stresspoints had to be considered. I changed the way I ate--more fresh food and veggies, a constant supply of ice cream and non alcoholic beverages. I made it a point to exercise--even if that exercise was just a half-hour walk--every day. It helped me, personally, to turn my cell off for two hours every day to give me some quiet time, also to take an afternoon nap whenever I could--though it might be different for other people.

Cutting it down to just one day and not looking back, not looking forward got me through the first few months. When unexpected challenges/ triggers came up during the day--a disaster at work, illness, an invitation from drinking friends to go out and drink with them--I didn't think "I will have to do this forever". I just tried to think, "I have to do something only today." Sometimes I just had to get through the next few minutes, sometimes I had to get through a few hours. I found over time that getting through one day was not so difficult.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

[Luke]

I think there's aways a danger of making this more difficult than it is.
posted by babble

I agree.
I also feel it can be difficult looking too far ahead - even 3 days, let alone 30 days.
I always remember a line from "Living Sober":

"remember, every recovery began with the first sober hour".

As long as you get that first hour in, your quit has started.

[Ella Fant]

for me, personally, it was all about keeping it simple. To over think things opens too many doors back into drinking. Too much potential for self-fulfilling prophecy. For me,at least. I don't even count the days. I simply no longer drink.

[Logan]

Get help - WQD, AA, books, whatever works best for you or all of the above. I tend to think support groups work best, talking to people who have been there and have succeeded. It makes you realize that you are not the only one who has taken that wrong turn in life and that it is possible to turn around.

[Molting]

All great points.

You are not alone. There are others like you. There are some great recovery stories.

I think we also forget how wonderful not drinking for a day, not drinking the second day, the third and then we made it past a week (including that damned weekend time).

That first quit time can be magical and for some its painful and difficult.

But, the bottom line is you will have to change habits. You will slowly change in time and you have to look forward to that.

[Molting]

Juju,

That was a good awareness post. Its like HEY, I know these things. What do I do about it?

[serenitysearcher]

I would say I "started stopping" by getting really, really, really miserable.

Miserable enough to be willing to give up the very thing I was desperately holding onto to ease the misery.

Then I:

* made a promise to myself and another person that I wouldn't drink
* got rid of all the alcohol in the house
* established some new rituals (n/a beverages, epsom salt baths, posting once a day here)
* read a lot of books
* supported other new quitters
* went to AA meetings

Mostly though, I got really, really miserable. Miserable enough to be willing to put the drink down and face life without the blurred edges.

[snivi]

Im at the beginning of this hjourney but I have to say I have a concern about this upcoming weekend. Maybe it will be easier now than in the future though. Who knows. Id like to think it gets easier with time

[Rich]

Just try to quit for three days. You really can not think to much a the beggining anyways

[Lil]

Hi Snivi! I am here for ya!! How you doing?! It's the weekend and I know it's going to be tough...you have friends and support here! Hope you're doing okay tonight! xoxoxo

[jingo74]

In my case, it takes a "change of scenery" to disrupt my drinking pattern. By "change of scenery,"I mean travelling somewhere either for work or a vacation. I've been sober for 46 days as of today. My quit started when I went home to help my mom move into an assisted living facility. At other times when I've gone home, I'd usually sneak out for a couple of drinks at least one night (mostly as a stress reliever from dealing with my family). But on this last visit I was really busy. So when I got back I realized I had 6 days sober under my belt.

I'm a daily drinker and the pattern of drinking in the evening is something I cannot usually break with my own willpower. So 6 days meant something to me. I've just kept rolling with things, realizing that I feel better on my worst day sober than I ever did when I drank.

This isn't my first quit, but hopefully it'll be my last. And I never understood my own thinking as to why I didn't have those strong cravings when away from home. Then I listened to an interview with the author David Sedaris during the press tour for his most recent book. He had recently decided to quit smoking because all the nicer hotels have all gone non-smoking, and he would end up at "less desirable" lodgings where smoking was allowed but there was nothing else around. He took a trip to Japan (as independently wealthy artisans can do) to write his latest book...and to stop smoking. The way he explained it, because his entire environment had changed being in Japan, he felt that almost anything else could change as well.

It may sound silly, but I can relate to this line of thinking. When I'm away from my familiar surroundings, I'll try new things I wouldn't do when away from home. I also think that there is a bit of an adrenaline rush to traveling. You're constantly moving and making decisions on what to do and where to go. For someone prone to depression like myself, this jolt often keeps me from heavy drinking while away from home.

I'm not saying you have to fly somewhere (especially Japan) to break the cycle of drinking. But shaking up your daily routine in some way, any way, will help with starting to quit. Once you start to feel better as your body learns to live without alcohol, you can count days and use of the length of your sobriety as a motivational tool.

One last thing-I'm a big fan of the sobriety date-counting web site ABSTAR. I consider it a big part of how far I've come.

http://www.moderation.org/abstar/

[Ragamuffin]

This is an EXCELLENT thread, for someone like me. I pretty much am that newbie who asks that question every single effing day! I`ve been here before, for a short time last year, quit for a nanosecond, then life got weird and I drank again. And again. And again. So here I am preparing myself for a second round, and it`s hard!! I KNOW I am an alcoholic, I know I`m addicted to this shit, I KNOW it`ll kill me in the end, so what`s my problem!! Can`t seem to start the stop!!

The one thing that inspires me hugely is the confirmation I get from people who have quit, here, elsewhere on the internet and in books, and in 3D that...life really does get better without the booze. When I first started googling about alcohol addiction way back when, all I was looking for were stories about the GOOD things about quitting. I knew all about withdrawal and the difficulties etc, and some folks I knew who had quit were clearly `whiteknuckling`it... I was having a terrible time finding confirmation that people`s lives get BETTER. It was actually through googling `quitting drinking`and `benefits`and I found this site..!

But yeah, all that depression, darkness, despair, anxiety etc etc...it`s (largely) the addiction. Oh, and life without alcohol is apparently NOT boring!!! This is so important (for me) to keep in mind, even if it`s just a leap of faith right now..!

But even knowing all of this doesn`t seem to help. The thought of forever petrifies me. I definitely think the `one day at a time`is invaluable advice. I think I need to quit for a full 30 days...tell myself that`s all I`m commiting to, and then just NOT drink. Today. I`ll need a (daily) plan too, of course, but the main thing is to just focus on today. With a goal of thirty days, and then I`ll take it from there, in the hopes that I`ll be a different person, who the AV has less control over. Then I`ll be in a better state to deal. But right now, forever is just too overwhelming! But man, I gotta start somewhere.

Thank god for this site, and love this thread! I couldn`t believe it when logged in this morning (I`m here reading a lot these last few weeks trying to gather courage and inspiration!) and found this thread at the top of `new posts`. It was like...a message or something :)) Because that`s been my issue right now. I already know I have to stop..I`m a heavy heavy drinker and have been for 20 years...NO question about whether I can moderate or whether I`m an addict, or whether this shit is gonna get me in the end etc.etc. But I was stumbling over how to `start the stop`.

Great advice!! Oh man, I`m getting seriously weepy right now....I was FINE until I started writing this!! Oh man, and I want to outgrow my old nickname ragamuffin! Maybe I`ll go from Rags to Rich(es)!! (that is...sober. Nuts, but sober:)!)

Har! I hesitate to post any more until I start the stop, but when I do (Monday is the plan) I`ll try to post. I actually didn`t want to post at all (just read) until I had quit, but this thread got to me and I just had to thank the site and posters for all the advice....

Ugh!! Effing alcohol!! Jeeze louise, I really really have to quit.

[snivi]

after my Dr visit to confirm my absurdely high BP. I came home and thought I needed to quit. Thats when I somehow discovered this website. Fate? I dont really see how, I was guided to this site somehow. Anyhow I read and came across the Craig Ferguson YouTube deal and listened and continued to read, and oh yeah, drank my Bud Light's. I had to take blood tests Tuesday and my thought was why stop my pattern the day before blood tests, I wouldnt get accurate readings right? Talk about stupid. I am only 5 days removed from that and realize what a weak argument that was. Anyhow, you quit when you are ready, but I think putting a date on it such as "next Monday" isnt really the way to go, but who am I? Certainly no expert on quitting so I wont go to deep into that, just relating that you sound just like I did as I talked to myself last Monday night in between Bud Light after Bud Light.

[puttingbox]

For me it has been the realisation over the last few months (maybe even years) that I am very addicted to alcohol.

I cannot afford to even have one drop or I'll not be able to stop.

The last time I quit I tried the one day at a time way. It didn't work for me.

I also tried the I won't drink for the next two weeks. Didn't work for me. I just rewarded my two week quit with a binge which led to oblivion for a long time.

I'm addicted to alcohol. I can't touch it. Never.

That's it for me.

[Jags]

I knew I needed to stop drinking long before I did, I think most people do. Stumbled over WQD, read loads of Journals, started my own and it kind of just snowballed from there. At the end of the day, you just stop. Its not easy, but it is simple, don't drink, ever, ever.

[Piglet]

I found that the acute withdrawal effects take 3 days to wear off. After that, the urge to drink goes down, but slowly. I ordered clomethiazole over the net to get me over the first 3 days (still have 1/2 of them left). After that, reality kicks in 'at full volume' and all the stresses and strains life brings with it suddenly become a real b**tard to deal with.
Hangin out with non-drinkers is a good bet. I'm so grateful to my friends who gave me their spare room and looked after me. I went through a period of homeless and when they saw me sober on the street THEN they helped...

[greengirl32]

1. I realized I was drinking too much
2. I realized that I wanted to cut back
3. I realized that cutting back was harder than stopping completely
4. I realized that there are no benefits to alcohal, it's a lie (Allan Carr's book)
5. I stopped drinking.

It's not easy, but it's worth it!

[Hoots]

Ooops and I bumped into that one too...

[Brenda]

How do you start to stop drinking ?? As a newbie still struggling. As for me, I am finding that I really have to stay away from people that are drinking, at least until I can get a good amount of time under my belt. It is just to easy in the early days to lose control when you have to be in a drinking environment. I am learning to say "no" when I am invited to a drinking situation. At least for now until I can get stronger.

I am just stating how I lost my "days" and how I am working to not let it happen again.

[bonbon13]

Hi Brenda,
Good for you for saying"no". You are being very courageous and strong. Keep it up and keep posting if you are having troubles. It helps me a lot. I still have struggles. I quit aug 20th and slipped sept 5th but I am hanging in there.
I am going to a recovery program for hapl the day. It is helping.

Take care and have fun.

bonBon

[Thinker762]

1. I realized I was drinking too much
2. I realized that I wanted to cut back
3. I realized that cutting back was harder than stopping completely
4. I realized that there are no benefits to alcohol, it's a lie (Allan Carr's book)
5. I stopped drinking.

It's not easy, but it's worth it!


You can say that Again my little friend.:D

[greengirl32]

The past spring and summer have been great. I've had a few slips along the way that keep me from saying I'm alcohol free for 8 months, but that's how long since I realized that I needed to cut it out from life completely. It's been GREAT. Not easy, but great.

You don't have to be perfect to gain the benefits from not drinking. Sometimes it's hard and it sucks to slip up, but it doesn't negate the many, many sober days I have under my belt. So just get out there and QUIT!

[new outlook]

everything you said I can relate to. I have tried to quit drinking before and have for short periods of time, but once I start again its all down hill from there. I got drunk on 11/9/08 and fell in my shower and have a massive bruise on my leg. My daughter (15) was a witness to my unacceptable behavior and on Monday I decided that I have had enough. So today I am three days sober and with all my might will try to keep it that way, even though my husband is still drinking, I can't let that be an excuse for me to fall into old habits. I can't just drink socially and never have been able to, so its all or nothing for me.

[Hilikus]

It sounds simple, but you just have to stop.

The first few days/weeks I was white knuckling it. You just have to be strong and say enough is enough. Over time, you begin to feel better and won't want to go back to drinking. The AV might be screaming out to go back, you will realize it is better not to.

[new outlook]

You all have such good advice and I think starting out slow is the only way to get through this process. I have set a goal of getting through the holidays (big drinking time) and know that WHEN I make it I will go into the new year with a new outlook and more strength to continue on my new journey.

[Rich]

You all have such good advice and I think starting out slow is the only way to get through this process. I have set a goal of getting through the holidays (big drinking time) and know that WHEN I make it I will go into the new year with a new outlook and more strength to continue on my new journey.
Pick the holidays to not drink. No work stress during that time. if you think you are going to wait for the perfect time it will never come

[Flashback]

I freaked out at first...holy s*** I can't drink anymore!
But i heard in my first meetings Live one day at a time, don't pick up the first drink and stick with the winners, It gets easier.

Sobriety is the best thing ever:)

[Rich]

Don't worry about the future just don't drink today

[bonita]

Exactly,
just dont drink one day at a time.

it gets easier with everyday that passes, AND more rewarding.

it'll all get better in time!

[results]

I have read Allen Carr and the Rational Recovery site. I have also tried moderation and quitting.

I like most people on this site am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Since I have a flexible work schedule, I often start drinking in the morning and don't stop until an hour or so before my wife comes home, try to play it off. It rarely works and I usually end up passing out right after dinner. More often than not I don't remember parts of the evening or day before. Usually I wake up at 2 am, feeling regret with a hangover and can never get back to sleep so I lay there feeling like a weak moron, upset and tired which lasts well into the next day. This has been going on for about two years at this level.

Drinking has caused me to lose work as it has often been more important than getting a new client or following up on a lead. I have also embarressed myself far too often by drinking and e-mailing, or saying things I would never say sober.

The are two sides, the sober happy smiling me and the drunk monster. The drunk moster always start off happy, but more times than not rears it ugly head after the 8th drink or so. I can easily put down 50 units a week or more. Drinking has been the source of so much pain suffering I can't understand why I like it at all.

Today I am 3 days sober and keeping my eye on the 30 day mark as the first milestone. I am already starting to feel a little better.

So that is how I stopped, I'll let you know how that goes.

[Hoots]

Welcome to the site Results...keep poking around here and read some journals and blogs. If you have questions just click on the name you wish to speak to and leave them a Visitor Message.

Keep strong,
Hoots

[Blondie]

Welcome Results -

Yes, your story sounds very familiar. We have a couple of people who work out of their homes and have let their drinking take over a little too much.

Stick around and read as much as you can. You will find a lot of support and information here.

Blondie

[John]

30 days is an excellent goal Results. You can decide where to go from there.

Good luck!

[results]

Day 6 and still going strong. I am thankful for not drinking today.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[functional drunk]

Hey Results,

six days is already serious stuff. Well done! Just keep on keeping on and you'll be fine.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[blogician]

Hi, I'm just starting and just got through my first 24 hours. Really helpful to read the posts from people who've gone through it and to know it gets better as time goes on. Thanks.

[time4change]

I think start falling in love with a vision of yourself and your life without it.

Love it!

[bNmE]

Nice, Juju.

It took me a while and several tries to understand what "just don't drink today" and "one day at a time" really meant.

I had to change my thinking. I was at the stage where I could "stop" for a few days/ weeks but I would inevitably start up again, and the knowledge of so many failed attempts was weighing me down.

Rich posted "just don't drink today, repeat tomorrow" in my journal when I first joined here, and initially I looked at that with great frustration. "If it was that simple, I would have done it," I thought. But it looked like good advice.

Over the next week--and several months--I focused on just cutting it down to each day. I woke up every morning, and thought, "What do I have to do not to drink today, only today?" Each day's issues and stresspoints had to be considered. I changed the way I ate--more fresh food and veggies, a constant supply of ice cream and non alcoholic beverages. I made it a point to exercise--even if that exercise was just a half-hour walk--every day. It helped me, personally, to turn my cell off for two hours every day to give me some quiet time, also to take an afternoon nap whenever I could--though it might be different for other people.

Cutting it down to just one day and not looking back, not looking forward got me through the first few months. When unexpected challenges/ triggers came up during the day--a disaster at work, illness, an invitation from drinking friends to go out and drink with them--I didn't think "I will have to do this forever". I just tried to think, "I have to do something only today." Sometimes I just had to get through the next few minutes, sometimes I had to get through a few hours. I found over time that getting through one day was not so difficult.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

I appreciate what you say here. I think that this is definitely where it gets hard for me. But right now, it's kind of scary and I don't know how I'll do tomorrow, my first day......OK, Just for right now I won't have a drink, repeat tomorrow.

Thanks

[results]

I fell off the wagon yesterday for no particular good reason other the boredom. Luckily I didn't do anything stupid. Back to day 1. I am quickly finding out that moderation is not a possibility. I will not drink today!

[Sandrea of the light]

I've quit drinking for months and years at a time, stumbling along the way. I just turned 50 and I'm starting all over again, I have 8 weeks sober this time. I thought I had no need for AA I knew the drill, but being back in the program and attending as many meetings as I can is helping me more than I thought possible. I was afraid to walk back in and admit defeat, and found the soft place and open arms of the friends I had left behind. You can walk into a meeting anywhere, anytime, and instantly feel the warm welcome of understanding you cannot find anywhere else. Love and compassion, and a listening ear. I dump my troubles and feel cleansed, and I'm learning once again how to deal with day to day pressures, without stopping at the liquor store to forget them.

[Daddy-O]

I think that then you can effectively quit drinking. When you realize that it has nothing to offer you, nothing to add to your life, and that you are not benefiting from it in the least then you can start NOT drinking.

First step, you have to open your eyes. :eek:


I couldn't agree with you more. Everytime I think of how good a beer sounds I then begin to think of how very nonbeneficial it would be. It does absolutely ZERO good. Well said, well said...

Daddy-O

[Athena]

I would say I "started stopping" by getting really, really, really miserable.

Miserable enough to be willing to give up the very thing I was desperately holding onto to ease the misery.

Then I:

* made a promise to myself and another person that I wouldn't drink
* got rid of all the alcohol in the house
* established some new rituals (n/a beverages, epsom salt baths, posting once a day here)
* read a lot of books
* supported other new quitters
* went to AA meetings

Mostly though, I got really, really miserable. Miserable enough to be willing to put the drink down and face life without the blurred edges.


SerenitySearcher - not sure why this one - but this post was particularly helpful - a tipping of the scales if you will. So thank you - thanks for taking the time to post! I'm on day 5! :)

[peterf7373t]

I liked your list Serenity. But I'm so scared to make that promise to someone that I love. I've put my girlfriend through so much, I don't think she wants to hear any promises from me. I'm just gonna do my best to show her through my actions.
Another long road back to trying to win her respect again. It really bums me out, but all I can do is start trying again.

[Steve]

Nice pete. Your on your way.

Steve

[okthen...]

I'm just gonna do my best to show her through my actions.
Another long road back to trying to win her respect again. It really bums me out, but all I can do is start trying again.

I was right where you are 3 months ago.

Put everything else away for now - words, promises, regrets and resentments. All this manifested because of the "drinking" you. The only way to peacefully leave them behind is to remove the drink.

Don't drink. That's it.

Then, you (your girlfriend) will soon start to notice little changes. It won't be expected, but it will happen. A kinder sober you will begin to shine through and the bad past will become overshadowed by a serene present.

It takes time but it will happen.

At about 2 months my wife really began to "trust" me again. And it wasn't through words - it was through action.

Good luck to you.

ok

[Molting]

This thread was started awhile ago. After a good amount of time with a sustained quit, I was wondering if I felt the same. no, I don't.

And that is why we need people with long term sobriety and short term sobriety posting because people can relate to certain people best.

When I was trying to make a quit stick, I felt unsure about how best to do it. Then we see others trying to quit and we see lots of people fail for whatever reasons. And its scary.

Then those bastards that have years and years of sobriety make it seem easy and they talk funny and what is wrong those weird sober people?

I now feel much more at ease that I'm doing the right thing and that's hard to relate back to somebody just starting. but I wish they could understand it. That way it could help calm them and let them keep trudging on.

So, my feelings are now about how to start a quit is: Ask and talk and find people you can relate to. Some of those people may fall off or slip, don't worry, just keeping trudging on. Soon, you will be one of those weird sober people. :)

[Veronica47]

I'm new here and not sure what I should post, if anything.

I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. My mum "began" drinking in her 40's and didn't stop until she died at 72. I'm in my 40's and began drinking 7 years ago. It began with shades of gray. A drink every once in a while and then two times a week. Gradually it grew and grew until I am polishing off 2 bottles of wine a night. Tonight is my first night sober in...well, longer than I can remember. I'm really scared. There's a liquor store not one mile from my home and it beckons me every moment.

I can't say that I "committed" myself to stop drinking or suddenly had this profound moment when I knew I had to stop, I believe it's been weighing on me gradually over the past year or more. I know that it's ALWAYS on my mind. I drink too much. I know that I'm a closet drinker. I know I hide empty bottles all over the house thinking no one is smart enough to catch on. I know...I'm looking and acting more and more like mum. I know that I have to stop yet something in me is so incredibly sad. It's like turning my back on an old friend. Someone who had comforted me and kept me company for all those long lonely years. Tonight I feel such nail biting angst at the idea of NOT drinking or worse still...Never drinking again.

What I have found in just this first night is that I've had to tell myself over and over and over again..."You can do this! You can! You can!" Is it supposed to be this hard? Will every night be like this?

I don't think I'm that strong to fight this urge every moment.

This is misery in it's purest form.

[cashew]

Hi veronica! Welcome. I too was a closet drinker and hid bottles all over the place, my closet, behind canned goods in the kitchen cabinet, the garage, etc. Not everyone has that moment where they just KNOW they have to commit to quitting, but if you're here, it means you know you have a problem and some part of you at leasts wants to quit.

You have found an amazing site with a whole bunch of amazing people who can help you through all of this. Read around, particularly in the health sections and the let's quit drinking sections, as these areas have a lot of helpful information for people just starting their quit. Also, find some journals (in the Diaries and Journals section - which gets the most traffic) of people who you can relate to. I know of a few other female warriors around your age. You can do this!

[Apostrophe]

Hi Veronica,

Don't drink tonight and you will be on your way. That is really all it takes to get started. We have all been where you are, that's why we're here! So you are not alone. Only a few weeks for me, so I was there very recently.

Here is the journals thread, where most of us post thoughts, jokes, cries for help, tips and advice: http://wqd.netwarriors.org/forumdisplay.php?f=5 That would be a great place to look around, start your own journal, and get engaged in the conversation. Hope you'll give it a try.

[Veronica47]

Today is my 2nd day without a drink and I feel wretched. For one thing I have an awful cold and my head is killing me. Last night my whole body ached and tonight, I'm literally "jonesing" for a drink. I love white wine, I hate red and all I have in the house is red wine. I can't drink that stuff. It makes my stomach hurt and my mouth dry. I keep trying to come up with reasons NOT to break down and go to the store. It's funny the things your mind tells you.

My daughter and I are fighting really badly, and my husband is gone for the night. I just WANT a drink so badly. I can think of nothing else right now. It's like one minute I'm "okay" and the next I'm ready to bolt out the door to the store.

Everyone keeps saying the worst part is the few few days but this is just my second day. I guess I'm a bit concerned. I remember when I quit smoking years ago. The first day wasn't too bad but the second day was a struggle. By the third day I thought I would sell my first born for a smoke. It was usually between the 3rd and 5th day that I would break over. It took me years to finally give it up once and for all, but it took a terrible scare for me to do it. I'm not sure had I of not had that "scare" if I would have stuck with it. Funny thing is that when I smoked, I didn't drink. I guess I traded one crutch for another.

This time is my "drinking time." When I'm alone in the evenings with nothing but time on my hands. Hubby is always working late, and I only have one child left at home and he's handicapped, so I'm trapped here unable to go anywhere. I watched Sex and the City (the movie) and noticed that they drink a lot on that show. I turned it to the Food Channel but they were trying to decide which wine goes best with Porterhouse Steak. I finally turned off the TV and got on the computer but my routine is all off right now. Computer time was my drinking time. Scrapbook time was my drinking time, and painting was my drinking time which are all things I would do in the evenings while I was alone, like now. Tonite, I don't kow what to do. I'm literally wringing my hands in panic. I don't know if I can stick with this.

[HollyJM]

You only have to get through tonight, Veronica. Good job on writing it out here.

Try hitting the tub by candlelight, and let yourself relax in the warm water. If you've got Epsom salts, so much the better. Or, a hot steamy shower. Then into comfy jammies and a warm drink for your head cold, like hot chocolate or some tea. Put clean sheets on the bed sprinkled with baby powder, and climb in with a good book, or keep reading around here. In the morning, you'll feel so much better than if you'd drank, even if you're not sleeping blissfully yet.

Tomorrow can take care of itself. :)

[cashew]

You CAN stick with it Veronica. The headache and cold symptoms are likely part of the withdrawal from alcohol. These are evidence of how physically addicted your body is to this poison. You do not need a drink. Try to find something to do for the next hour or so that is different from what you would normally do while drinking. Why not read a book, or go for a walk, or cook a nice dinner, or play a game with your son or play solitaire or pop in a movie that you own that you haven't seen in a while that doesn't revolve around alcohol. Do anything to make it through the next few hours without drinking. Chat on here in the shoutbox...a lot of people hop in there when they are feeling tempted and talking with others about the temptation helps it pass more quickly.

You can stick with this. Many people here have been exactly where you are now. Spend some time reading some journals - especially the early pages - to get some ideas of how other people handled the early days.

[T-Bone]

Dear Veronica -

Welcome to the site!

Just make a commitment to yourself (and us) that you won't drink today, no matter what. And don't change your mind. I know you can do it. It is only one day.

[Steve]

It is only one day out so many. You can do it.

Steve

[NorthernSky]

I read a lot. I like The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr. I have said it a million times but I will say it a million more. This book is wonderful and inspirational in ways a person can't even begin to imagine! It really opens your eyes.

I agree, start NOT drinking by putting it down. Get it out of your house, get it out of your life. Do whatever it takes for you to get sober. I still have it in my house since my husband continues to drink but alcohol is no longer a part of MY life. I think in order to quit you must remove it from your mind.

You take away the feelings that it has anything to offer you. You must see alcohol for what it truly is. Poison. Vile. Disaster. Death. Murder. Evil. Prison. Enslavement. Foul. You begin to understand just how ingenious the alcohol trap really is.

I think that then you can effectively quit drinking. When you realize that it has nothing to offer you, nothing to add to your life, and that you are not benefiting from it in the least then you can start NOT drinking.

First step, you have to open your eyes. :eek:Hi I'm new here and your post JUMPED right out at me. :)

I'm like you my husband drinks and isn't about to stop, I've been struggling with this for a long time. I want to be like you now too, want it out of my life once and for all....will have to learn to get it out of my mind, funny that seems easy enough to do.

Thanks for your post, and the reminder of the fact that alcohol is poison period.

[Ricardo]

Hi all,

Tricky, tricky question this. I've just joined the site today and have been browsing a bit. We all share the desire to quit, some have managed and others struggle. There are many wise words in here and there are some ideas I don't share. We know (and others always know) we have a problem which is destroying us and all around us.

Personally, I don't believe in any "Higher Power" so that's 12-step programs out for me. The fact that I know alcohol doesn't mix with my SSRIs is a big help. But really, what makes me not drink is so that my daughters don't have to see me drunk ever again.

Alcohol (unlike smoking) isn't poison for most people but it's poison for us. Personally (again), I won't say "I'm not going to drink today".... I think I have to say "Drinking is over for me" and stick to it. I'm not interested in anniverseries - I just want it out of my life. I've been through a lot in the last twelve months and been very low at times but I know what I have to do and that is not to drink.

[carmelita]

okay you guys,
if those replys are for me personally or not--doesn't really matter. I have gotten a lot out of what I've just read.
Seriously, I am going to stop right now. Yeah, easy to say, I know. But if anyone cares, I'll keep writing on this site and let you know how it's going. Any advice is greatly appreciated (stuff like the epsom salt baths, the thiamin, etc...)
Thank you all "wqd-ers"
Carm

[carmelita]

thanks, big sis.

[carmelita]

I really appreciate your advice on the 'I can do it in moderation' business. I've been trying to convince myself that I could pull it off, but there is no way. I cannot tell you how much I have gotten out of this website. (typical newbie words, I imagine) Anyway, thanks,
Carm

[libby]

great thread - - very inspiring - - I see myself in many of you - I just turned 50, daughter of an alcoholic mother who is still boozing it up daily. You'd think I'd see her situation and be terrified into stopping - she is basically house-bound, drinks and sleeps all day, doesn't want to communicate with anyone, just reads novels and naps. My dad, who was not an alcoholic and maintained a healthy lifestyle, died unexpectedly from a stroke a couple of years ago and now my mom is going hog-wild with her isolating and drinking behavior.
Me, well, I love love love chardonnay, and I hate red wine - and am not really interested in other forms of booze. But around 5:30 pm every day, a chilled bottle or two of Chard beckons from my fridge. My husband drinks in moderation and has given up on trying to help me quit. I am lucky that I can usually work from home, so I can wake up late and nurse my hangover for a few hours before getting on with my day. I schlump around in sweat pants all day - - eating lots of carbs to make my hung over stomach feel better - - by dinner time, I feel great relief, the hangover is abating and I made it through another day - -time to celebrate! So - - after much inner argument -- I'll pop off to the store and buy another few bottles, even if I angrily poured out what was left earlier in the day!
I have high BP, am a bit overweight, am not fit anymore (slacked off at the gym and now just stay around my home office working all day). Blood test indicates that my liver is doing just fine - - so of course my inner devil says my habit is not that bad.
I've been trying to quit for several years... did the AA thing many times... did the therapists...read every book available and continue to snap up any new info on alcoholism treatment... But I can't seem to start the quit - - so this thread sort of jumped out at me. I have to do something soon, I see myself trending towards being my mother, being isolated and sick on an even faster track than she went down.
So - today after lurking around this site for over a year, I joined up, declared myself with this post, and am going to give it a go - again. I'm anxious as next week I have to be on site with customers and it's been several months since I've had to get dressed and function for over 8 hours straight! (Yes - I am on meds for depression --- I think my therapist just fired me though as I had to cancel a few meetings due to work conference calls. She hasn't contacted me - - I guess I could contact her...)
Anyway - Sorry for the long boring note, but I just wanted to thank you all for your stories. Wish me luck - I'll try to get through today. Should I run downstairs and pour out the rest of the Chard? I will. :rolleyes:

[libby]

I really appreciate the guidance - - I'm going to start the stop today - Will log on to the live chat when the magic hour of 5:30 comes around, when I start thinking about a glass of wine. "Just one" quickly turns into two, three, four- - around 2 bottles. Thanks! I think I'm ready to face this - - -

[Apostrophe]

Hi Libby,

Congratulations on making this choice. I'm same age as you, also work at home much of the time...Makes it too easy! (Oh yes, and my wife is a no-problem moderate drinker.)

I really encourage you to follow through. You will be feeling better mentally and physically actually very soon, and the benefits increase over time. I am just at 6 months, so I have just been through it.

Get lots of good food and drinks, rent movies, whatever it takes *not* to pick up that first drink! You mentioned exercise...Now would be an excellent time to go back to the gym. It fills time, makes you feel healthier, and helps blow off anxiety. :)

Check in over the weekend and let us know how it's going.

[libby]

Wow - thanks to you all - I made it through ONE night without Chardonnay. Feel kind of weird and disoriented this morning - - - I know this sounds like a tiny thing, but for me to break the inertia of having to, MUST having to, drink every night is a big deal for me. I'm sitting here stunned, writing, sipping a diet coke (coooold caffeine!) trying to figure out what I need to do today which is a lot since I have to go on biz travel this week. Change of scenery and having to get up early and shower and get dressed like an adult and function with other people for over 10 hours a day requires sobriety. I slog through hungover - - so this week presents a great environment to keep this going. OKOK - - only ONE night down - - I'm getting ahead of myself. Now I'm going to focus on getting through today, and tonight when that 5:30 wine-voice calls to me. Thanks again folks. Last night I logged in to WQD around 5 and read/absorbed many members' thoughts for a couple of hours - my most vulnerable. I'll do it again tonight. Thanks again. I think I'll start a blog here. xox

[Maverick]

What is 3Dsupport?

[rosie]

I believe it means support in the "real" world with people in the flesh.

[Rich]

Just don't drink for the moment if you have to

[Honest Injun]

Make the right choice not to drink.
Do everything you can to reinforce that choice.
Know that your life will become so much better thanks to that choice.

[Hoots]

bumpppppppperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[cbug12]

My last sick, feverish, vomiting, shakey, panicky, anixeity ridden hangover showed me that I needed to stop the booze. I am now actually scared to be that way again.

No more.

[littlekings]

When I was in the first group session in rehab about twenty years ago, I and the other three newbies had to introduce ourselves. During my turn, the therapist commented that she noticed in my file I had tried rehab before and wanted to know if I wanted to stop drinking. I said that I honestly was not sure I wanted to stop drinking. She then softly asked if I had been injured as a child, more specifically if I had a head injury. I said I did not think so. She asked if I was sure. I said I thought so. She then asked if would call my mother to see if she had accidently dropped me on my head as a child. I was nervous and serious, so I was trying to answer her questions as honestly as I could. Most of the other 25 people around the circle were trying to control their laughter. One person burst out laughing, and I then realized what the therapist was inferring.

I have tried to make myself want to stop drinking countless times, and I have heard the proverbial "I guess you have not reached your bottom." This time, I reached a point at which I was physically and emotionally exhausted with drinking, and I decided I would do whatever it took not to take that first drink. I have never before been as serious about sobriety as I am now, and I think "it takes what it takes" for someone to honestly decide to stop drinking.

[Boo Boo]

I would say I "started stopping" by getting really, really, really miserable.

Miserable enough to be willing to give up the very thing I was desperately holding onto to ease the misery.
Then I:

* made a promise to myself and another person that I wouldn't drink
* got rid of all the alcohol in the house
* established some new rituals (n/a beverages, epsom salt baths, posting once a day here)
* read a lot of books
* supported other new quitters
* went to AA meetings

Mostly though, I got really, really miserable. Miserable enough to be willing to put the drink down and face life without the blurred edges.

This post is amazing. Thank you! :)