I'm Back...and glad of it, & want thoughts on AA meetings

[Sunday5-8-05]

This Thread has been moved to my diary...:)

Well all my old friends, after almost 3 years of this demon of mine making my life miserable, I'm back. Last nite was my first nite sober. Tired of not drinking for a couple months or weeks, then talking myself into a beer, then out comes the absolute, then comes the wicked Patti. The Patti who everyone thinks is so wonderful, but I hated myself.

In February of this month, I was blacked out , took 5 bottles of pills, found dead resusitated, spend 3 days on a vent, a week in lockup, and now am in therapy for my depression, ptsd, intermittent explosive disorder, etc, etc, etc. I am also doing yoga, daily work, journaling, etc. I thought about going to AA last nite, but I have visions of everyone "talking" and "updoing" everyone elses story. What are you're thoughts on AA?

I have asked Jonas where my old posts are, if anyone is interested in why the hell they should totally quit and not try moderation.

Hopefully he can restore them.

So much more to talk about, I just need to be here and keep reading why I shouldn't drink.

Thanks to those of you who pm'd me yesterday, we'll catch up.

All those who are newbies..

don't EVER try moderation. Absolute abstinance is the only way.

P.S. My beautiful daughter will be 15 in September, and is the typical teenager. Not disrepectful, just so damn quiet and of course knows everyithing. My therapist says to just say hello goodby , how are you, then just let her come to me to talk. It works GREAT! :)

[greengirl32]

You are very strong to come back and not give up. You are a great example. I'm sorry you've had such a bad time, but it sounds like you are getting a lot of help.

[bigsister987]

Hi Sunday

There is a lot of debate about AA here, and I would suggest that you try for yourself and see if it works for you. Think of it like adding it to a toolbox of support should you need it. It's up to you to decide whether AA is right for you, just as it is up to you to decide not to drink.

I thought you might be interested in a thread I started re teenagers:

http://wqd.netwarriors.org/showthread.php?t=7841

[Happy]

Hi Patti,
Go to AA...my friend I know how far down the road you are and suicide is way to serious to not use the best tools available, other alcoholics!
Try as many meetings as it takes to find one you like. If anyone say stuff you are not comfortable with, then try another meeting. Remember your av is not going to like it. Give in to the process, and remember any suggestion what so ever that you drink is your addiction speaking! You need people around you that understand that addiction. Anything you need, just holler!
(((((((((((((Patti)))))))))))))))

[Carousel]

Hi Patti, welcome back - it's really good to see you. It sounds like you've been to hell and back a few times over, I'm sorry to hear it.

I agree with Happy - I think you've got nothing to lose except some wasted time if AA doesn't suit you. Now is the time to use any and every tool at your disposal. Talking over and one-upping has not been my experience in any meetings I've been to, including those I didn't jive with.

It's good to have you back. Hang with us and hang in there.

[_paulmh_]

I dunno, seems to me that if you're almost in a place where you're ending your life and you've got a young family, anything is worth a shot. Please don't expect a quick fix from AA though. It'll help you find a long term solution. Go to lots of meetings. I've heard this "try and find one you like" thing from a few AAers, but really, you find one you like you make it your home group. Go to lots of meetings and keep going until you get well. Regardless of whether you like them!

Hope things work out.

[Barn]

AA was a lifesaver for me the first time I sobered up. I knew it was something that would help me and it did. I found folks who knew where I was and didn't look down on me when I walked in the door. I did the 30+ meetings in 30 days thing and some days more than 1 meeting. I was able to refrain from drinking as long as I went, but AA didn't cure me of the cravings like I thought it was supposed to... After a while I quit attending meetings and after a while I slipped back to having 'just one' on a real regular basis. Those were the days before Al Gore invented the internet and before WQD. I think you should go and get all you can from the meetings. At least the meetings will help you to gt your head on straight, and will keep you off the street. AA is not a cure but can be highly beneficial.
Stay strong and keep on quittin.

[Dimitri]

Hi (((((((((Sunday))))))

Sorry things had gotten so bad
But Im glad that you have the ability to change things around

Im wishing nothing but the best for you

[Thunder]

(((((Sunday/Patti))))) it is So awesome to see you :) it has been a long time!!


I see you have had a rough go of it!! You are in charge now keep going forward learn from your past, but remember you can only change what is to be not what has been. Wishing you the very best :) Super big hugs!!

[sunny2day]

Welcome back!

I've missed seeing you around.
It's great that you're working with a therapist.

I would love to read your story. Please, write what you can again Patti:)

[Rich]

Do whatever you have to do

[Sunday5-8-05]

WOW! I remember why this site was so helpful to me. You all are so fricken awesome.

And leave it to Rich to be the man of many words he he

I'm on day 3

Tonite will be my first challenge , going out to dinner for my belated birthday with my hubby, and two friends who like their beverages.

I've not drank before, I can do it again.!

Between all my daily therapy work, and running my super fun coffee house, raisin a kid, etc. etc. I will try to post more here. Right now I just need to read to remind me why I came here the first place!!
:)

[Jasper]

Hi Sunday!!!! Wow, it sure is nice to see you! I'm glad you're ok and back here.

Why not give AA a try? You have nothing to lose! Promise yourself you'll stick with it and see where it leads you. Yoga is such a great idea too! Do you do any meditation? It helps me learn to watch my monkey mind and cut off the AV.

Welcome back! :)

[Sunday5-8-05]

Hi Jasp,

Good to see you too. I'm so proud of you all.

Re: my yoga, Yes, meditation is part of it.

I think I'll slip into a state of meditation tonite. 1st nite back in a restaurant for dinner with another couple , they love to drink. I wouldn't be honest if I said I wasn't worried.
I can do it, I know I can do it,

huuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
"pretzel pose"
(not even close to it!)
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmm

sat nam

[Sam]

Hi Patti,

I floundered for 4 months here before I found AA 10 months ago. It saved me, without a doubt. I haven't had a sip since 6/27/07. I don't know why I dreaded it so much. It isn't anything other than a bunch of 3d folks with solutions and proof that it works. It's sorta like free group therapy, but only as much as you want.

The AA book is only 164 pages and there is a great little book called "living sober" which gives you great nuts and bolts for day to day sobriety.

Just my opinion, but I would stay away from drinking situations like the dinner until you have more time under your belt. Why be miserable until you have the tools make it a fun occasion.

By the way, you can see the struggle I had in my journal (even drunken posts here) until I got with the program. Everyone tells me I am a different person and my written word seems to bear that out.

Wishing you the best and congratulations on this "moment of clarity"

Sam

[Thunder]

Pretzel pose :) let me know when you make it... I would never be able to do that LOL.... you can do it tonight while out for dinner!! Hang on tight!! :)

[Sunday5-8-05]

I knew better than to go last nite. OF COURSE I DRANK!! damn it damn it damn it! Didn't get wasted but woke up feeling like shit because I know better.
f*ck it anyway.



It doesn't get to me at home, just when I'm in those situtations where others drink around me. I KNOW BETTER!! So sick of the fricken cycle.

Back on the horse today.

[Happy]

I knew better than to go last nite. OF COURSE I DRANK!! damn it damn it damn it! Didn't get wasted but woke up feeling like shit because I know better.
f*ck it anyway.



It doesn't get to me at home, just when I'm in those situtations where others drink around me. I KNOW BETTER!! So sick of the fricken cycle.

Back on the horse today.

Its why when we quit, our quit has to take precedence over everything for a while. I was worried about you drinking because you still see things as a test to be overcome, something you hope you can overcome. They are really just your av singing you a pretty tune...Patty, this is why I believe you could benefit from AA. You are having a rough time seeing that is not something you can just push past and be okay. It will take some work, some of it painful and a lot of effort to deal with this...you can do it, I know you can, because you are a very strong person. You just need to learn to use that strength a little differently!
You have a cell phone right? :D

[Sunday5-8-05]

Its why when we quit, our quit has to take precedence over everything for a while. I was worried about you drinking because you still see things as a test to be overcome, something you hope you can overcome. They are really just your av singing you a pretty tune...Patty, this is why I believe you could benefit from AA. You are having a rough time seeing that is not something you can just push past and be okay. It will take some work, some of it painful and a lot of effort to deal with this...you can do it, I know you can, because you are a very strong person. You just need to learn to use that strength a little differently!
You have a cell phone right? :D

Hey Hap,

yes I do have a cell phone, but not on me last nite. I know i should've called. Even before we left I was talking about it with my hubby, and when we got to the restaurant , he went to the washroom, and it was then that I ordered first a beer. Then next I switched to the Absolute, had a few of those.

I will check out AA Monday nite. It would work out good because Mon late pm's is when I see my therapist.

sigh......

:eek:

[Babble]

Patti

Welcome back.

you wrote:
in February of this month, I was blacked out , took 5 bottles of pills, found dead resusitated, spend 3 days on a vent, a week in lockup, and now am in therapy for my depression, ptsd, intermittent explosive disorder, etc, etc, etc. I am also doing yoga, daily work, journaling, etc. I thought about going to AA last nite, but I have visions of everyone "talking" and "updoing" everyone elses story. What are you're thoughts on AA?

Well- what are your thoughts on AA?

If you read this paragraph from someone else- what would you say?



Exactly:)


M;)

[dreamer]

Thanks for coming back. I have been here but just on day 3 myself. We can support each other. I look forward to reading your posts!

[Thunder]

Sunday do whatever it takes... if that is AA then so be it!! We will be here for you. (Hugs)

[sunny2day]

Hey (((Patti)))
Good plan with seeing the therapist and the AA meeting.
Like you, I have tons of trouble being around people that drink. That's why I have been here so long and only have 2 weeks. Like Happy says, the quit has to come first so that we can establish some sober time before dealing with social situations.

I am glad you're hoping right back on the horse~

[Sunday5-8-05]

Is there a place for me to have a diary in here.

I need to journal this process that I'm currently losing at.

thanks

[Lia~~]

http://wqd.netwarriors.org/forumdisplay.php?f=5

(just click on start a new thread, name it something you like and it will be diary) -- it's on the home page, scroll down to diaries if that link doesn't work.

You're not loosing-- you're still here. :)

[Sunday5-8-05]

Thanks Lia

[Icarus]

Absolute abstinance is the only way.

I just have to pinch that for my sig'. Genius!

[Molting]

Do it.

Do it.

[Sunday5-8-05]

Good Morning!


I moved this thread to the Diary Section.


thanks for stopping by!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Steve]

It is a bastard. That AV is a real bastard. It strikes and it strikes hard when we least expect it to. It called on me today. I was picking up a six pack for my wife today and it crossed my mind. Of course, it left as quick as I thought about it. It left because I had worked a strong program. Yep, I went to AA last year. I pick up a meeting here and there when I need growth. I went alot the first six months. It helped out with the withdrawl. It really helped with the mental part of drinking. It helps the most when I am vulnerable due to emotional state of mind. When I am my weakest, the foundation built from AA takes over. I do not end up drunk. When quitting, we have to put aside our leadership for a while. Everytime I led, I ended up drunk. This time I put faith in someone else. I have not been drunk since. I do not go to AA that much anymore. If I need help, I know where to go. It has never been cult like for me. I am a loner, and marched to my own beat. I just tried their suggestions, and they worked. Of course, we take what we need and leave the rest. If we continue to fall, we need to get up and get a new game plan or add to it.

steve