crowed
04-20-2008, 09:23 PM
Greetings,
My name is crowed, I'm 22, and I'm done with drinking.
About a year ago, I had a nervous breakdown related both to drinking and the use of other drugs, and I quit drinking for 2 months, but I picked up drinking again. Since then, I've noticed the days after I drank, I felt bad. I don't mean the type of hangover where you have to drink a bunch of water and rest, I mean I experienced a complete lack of confidence and total social anxiety. Did anyone else get this after they drank?
Anyways, about 3 days ago I woke up in a trauma care unit with a neckbrace on, a breathing tube being removed, stitches above my eye and in my lip, a catheter in my member, diodes all over, tubes in my arms, a broken sinus, broken forehead and a lot of confusion. As I would come to learn, I fell 25 feet from a bridge I was trying to scale. I didn't remember both because I fell and hit my head, making myself pass out and because I was black out drunk.
So, as soon as I regained consciousness, I stated that I would never drink again. And I mean it. In fact, I've been planning on quitting drinking for a while. I could never control my drinking. Though I didn't do it every day, I always did it to the max while I drank. (If 1 is good, 2 is better, and if 2 is better then 3 is even better, and so on and so forth). I started driving while I was drunk, which caused me immense guilt the next day. I've pissed beds, both my own, and of girls who would later not be too interested in me.
But I kept on drinking. I guess being drunk was ok fun. I liked to do it alone and listen to music, although it's not like I skipped out on doing other things to drink. I wasn't friends with people based solely on drinking, although getting drunk (ok, I'm in college, let's be real, the goal was to get wasted. black out wasted.) was one of the main functions that brought me and my different friends together.
And although in the past year I've been better about my drinking, it wasn't like I had control over how much I drank while I was drunk (the idea of moderation), rather, I crafted a semblance of moderation by figuring out how to have a set limit of beer for the night, or gave myself transportation based mdoeration goals. (As in, my friend is taking me home at this time, therefore I can't drink anymore). True moderation, I cannot have.
Anyways, I don't think sobriety is going to be hard to achieve. I'm relatively young, so the rituals of alcohol aren't imprinted on me as if I were 50 and used to taking drinks at certain times and events, making it a habit. Plus, I've wanted to quit for a year now. I love hearing other people give me feedback on when I previously expressed my desire to quit drinking. "But you are much more loose when you drink". This is true, I am loose and confident and funny when I drink, although I've been these things when I'm sober, so I can learn to be turn them on and off without the drink. "Dude, you don't have to quit, just learn some self control". I guess it's hard for non-alcoholic people to understand, but refusing a drink when I've been drinking is hard to do. It's like I do have self control when I'm sober, but that doesn't mean I keep when I've been drinking. I have good balance when I'm sober, don't tell me to "learn balance" while I've been drinking.
But, yeah, I can't deny I have an addictive personality. When I smoked pot, I smoked a lot, daily. I used to drink soda by the case. I would masteurbate 4 or 5 times daily. The addictive/ocd personality isn't the problem, the activity is. I see nothing wrong with becoming a health addict, as in, eating right and working out. Becoming a knowledge addict would be good. Perhaps society could use me as a addict of good deeds. The possibilities are endless.
I plan on declaring my sober intentions to all my friends, although I also plan on moving away. Some might call this the "geographic cure", but I realize you can't just leave your social circles in one area and expect to find new ones where alcohol plays no role. I'm going to have to say no in the future. Luckily, I can. The first drink is a million times easier than any other to refuse.
Yeah, I'm glad to be aboard, and I'd like to chat it up with you guys.
My name is crowed, I'm 22, and I'm done with drinking.
About a year ago, I had a nervous breakdown related both to drinking and the use of other drugs, and I quit drinking for 2 months, but I picked up drinking again. Since then, I've noticed the days after I drank, I felt bad. I don't mean the type of hangover where you have to drink a bunch of water and rest, I mean I experienced a complete lack of confidence and total social anxiety. Did anyone else get this after they drank?
Anyways, about 3 days ago I woke up in a trauma care unit with a neckbrace on, a breathing tube being removed, stitches above my eye and in my lip, a catheter in my member, diodes all over, tubes in my arms, a broken sinus, broken forehead and a lot of confusion. As I would come to learn, I fell 25 feet from a bridge I was trying to scale. I didn't remember both because I fell and hit my head, making myself pass out and because I was black out drunk.
So, as soon as I regained consciousness, I stated that I would never drink again. And I mean it. In fact, I've been planning on quitting drinking for a while. I could never control my drinking. Though I didn't do it every day, I always did it to the max while I drank. (If 1 is good, 2 is better, and if 2 is better then 3 is even better, and so on and so forth). I started driving while I was drunk, which caused me immense guilt the next day. I've pissed beds, both my own, and of girls who would later not be too interested in me.
But I kept on drinking. I guess being drunk was ok fun. I liked to do it alone and listen to music, although it's not like I skipped out on doing other things to drink. I wasn't friends with people based solely on drinking, although getting drunk (ok, I'm in college, let's be real, the goal was to get wasted. black out wasted.) was one of the main functions that brought me and my different friends together.
And although in the past year I've been better about my drinking, it wasn't like I had control over how much I drank while I was drunk (the idea of moderation), rather, I crafted a semblance of moderation by figuring out how to have a set limit of beer for the night, or gave myself transportation based mdoeration goals. (As in, my friend is taking me home at this time, therefore I can't drink anymore). True moderation, I cannot have.
Anyways, I don't think sobriety is going to be hard to achieve. I'm relatively young, so the rituals of alcohol aren't imprinted on me as if I were 50 and used to taking drinks at certain times and events, making it a habit. Plus, I've wanted to quit for a year now. I love hearing other people give me feedback on when I previously expressed my desire to quit drinking. "But you are much more loose when you drink". This is true, I am loose and confident and funny when I drink, although I've been these things when I'm sober, so I can learn to be turn them on and off without the drink. "Dude, you don't have to quit, just learn some self control". I guess it's hard for non-alcoholic people to understand, but refusing a drink when I've been drinking is hard to do. It's like I do have self control when I'm sober, but that doesn't mean I keep when I've been drinking. I have good balance when I'm sober, don't tell me to "learn balance" while I've been drinking.
But, yeah, I can't deny I have an addictive personality. When I smoked pot, I smoked a lot, daily. I used to drink soda by the case. I would masteurbate 4 or 5 times daily. The addictive/ocd personality isn't the problem, the activity is. I see nothing wrong with becoming a health addict, as in, eating right and working out. Becoming a knowledge addict would be good. Perhaps society could use me as a addict of good deeds. The possibilities are endless.
I plan on declaring my sober intentions to all my friends, although I also plan on moving away. Some might call this the "geographic cure", but I realize you can't just leave your social circles in one area and expect to find new ones where alcohol plays no role. I'm going to have to say no in the future. Luckily, I can. The first drink is a million times easier than any other to refuse.
Yeah, I'm glad to be aboard, and I'd like to chat it up with you guys.