How did you cope with your first night out?

[rosie]

I am on Day 12 of my quit. I have a family meal out at a pub on Friday night for a birthday. No way can I get out of it (and I'm not about to run away anyway - I have to face this sometime). Everyone will be drinking. It will be hard. It will hurt - this is what we do when we're together.

How did you cope or do you have any advice for me?

Many thanks.

[cejay]

Good thread. I realize my post is for a different kind of night out but maybe it will help others if it doesn't help you.
My first night out was only a few days into my quit. It was a "buck 'n doe" for a very close friend. (Not sure what these are called in the UK.)

I obtained permission from my wife to leave without any repercussion (from her) if the alcohol called to me and I was tempted.

We told our friends I was taking meds and couldn't drink.

I asked the wedding party for a job and sold entry tickets and then drink tickets. The seat was as far from the bar as you can get. At first I was tempted ever so slightly, but once I started to see the "transformation" in people as they started to get drunk the temptation was completely gone.

It was quite securing in my quit to watch very normal, competent, looking/seeming people turn into complete morons as the evening progressed.

CJ

[dsc2]

Stomach's bothering me, feeling a little sick, doctor says no, I'm on perscriptions..

There's some quick ones for someone who has just quit.

[Devushka]

It helps a lot to always have something n/a to drink while you're there.

Also, be careful of the day after. The desire to drink can be especially powerful the next day when you're in early sobriety. Not for everyone, of course, but just be aware that it's a possibility so you won't be taken off guard if it does happen. (Unfortunately, I'm speaking from experience. :o)

Hope you have a good time!

I think it's actually more fun not to drink as you're in control of yourself and as cejay said, you can observe the transformations in people and be glad it's not happening to you!

[Woby]

Everyone will be drinking. It will be hard. It will hurt.

The fact that you are worried makes me worried.

My advice would be DON'T GO. Yes, you will have to face this type of thing sometime, but it's very early in your quit and the best thing to do is avoid putting yourself in this situation this early.

I wish you the best!

[Twiggy]

Do not go hungry.
Do not go thirsty.
Order a n/a beverage the second you get there-and keep them coming.
Even if your not too hungry (because you should eat something before
you go so your not...) order something: a salad and wings, a burger to
pick on, pizza, whatever. Eat and stay full - don't count calories at this time.
Drink plenty of whatever suits your fancy: coke, diet coke, root beer, ginger ale,
cranberry juice, add lemons/limes to things for extra flavor and fun. Enjoy
visiting with the folks there and when you leave - sober - you will be happy.
And when you get into bed tonight - sober - you will feel relief and joy.

Above all: do not go if you think there's a chance you will drink. 12 days is new...
It wouldn't be "running away," it would be taking care of you - and that MUST
come first right now. Period.

:)

[Apostrophe]

Stomach's bothering me, feeling a little sick, doctor says no, I'm on perscriptions..

I got a lot of mileage out of my acid reflux problem. ;) :burp:

*But* keep it simple. You actually don't owe anybody an explanation. "No thanks," followed if need be by "Not drinking tonight." After that, they are the one with the problem.

I would also add, in my experience, these social events have never once been as stressful as I feared. Most people don't care or even notice, who knew??? :)

[DtheM]

The sooner you learn to say " No Thanks" to people, the easier it gets more into your sobriety, Rosie!...quitting is for you, let them drink what they want but don't let anyone make you feel guilty for not joining them!!:)

d

[justfortoday]

I haven't had a night out yet, but have to go to a family wedding shower this weekend. I've already told them I can't drink because of a prescription I'm taking.
Stay strong Rosie, I'll be thinking of you.

[voetsod]

Everyone here gave great tips. Act like you're in a fight for your life (maybe this is true, it was for me). Step up to the plate and make it happen and come home sober. It's all about you.

[rosie]

Thanks all, tonight is here, I leave in an hour. About as ready as I'm going to be. Family already know that I am not drinking as I've said I'm giving up for Jan as a health kick - little do they know the extent of things.

Not hungry, not thirsty. Plan to have a J20 in my hand as soon as I get there and hubby is under instructions to not let my glass go empty. Stuff the healthy eating regime I've had going for the past 2 weeks since quitting - I'm eating what I like.

This is me, non-drinking Rosie, going to the pub.....:eek:

[Devushka]

I hope you have a good time!

One other thing that helps me is to try to focus on the conversation. I know that sounds silly and obvious, but it's amazing how much of our brain space can be taken up by, "I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking." When I remember to relax and remember WHY I'm there--to socialize!! Imagine that!--it's easier to settle down. Just a thought!

Please check back in and let us know how it went! :)

[Apostrophe]

You will be fine. :) Then you will know you can do it. Getting through these "first time" experiences is a skill in itself. Every time we do it, we get better at it!

[rosie]

Thanks all. I made it through the night ok. No-one was drinking my favourite drink - red wine - so that made it a little easier. I didn't get as many comments as expected about not drinking but did get a "you're not as lively without it" comment off one person. I think it will be easier next time - maybe I'll be able to relax more.

I am left feeling a little low but don't know why. I should be jumping for joy that I did it and that I have now hit the 2 week mark. It's not even the thought of not drinking that's the problem, which it was previously. I just didn't feel myself tonight. Perhaps it is the loss of the crutch. Perhaps I just have to get used to a non-drinking sociable me.

Thank you so much for all your advice and support - it is a true lifeline for me.

[justfortoday]

Hooray Rosie! You should be very proud of yourself!! I'm sure getting through all of the "firsts" will be difficult, but I think it will get easier because you will KNOW that you can do it next time.

I am not as outgoing without the booze either. Very quiet. I don't feel like "me" without it, but I guess that drunken outgoing girl wasn't "me" either. I guess I'll have to find out who me is.

I'm glad for you Rosie. You'll sleep well tonight and feel great tomorrow. :)

[Norma]

Dont worry about feeling low, its normal and is exctly how I felt after my first night out. It feels a little bit like an anti climax.It will get easier I promise. After a little while your personality will kick right back in. Having fun sober is a HUGE thrill in itself. I have as much fun now as I ever did.

Stick at it and You will not regret it.

[bonbon13]

Yes congrats Rosie,, it is very hard at first and you will feel all kinds of emotions. But remember you faught this booze thing today and you won!! and that's what counts , you know how to win.

I thought when I first quit that everybody would be kissing and hugging me, nope, they said the same, your not as fun. So I stopped that in it's track, i decide I would be just as much fun and even more just to let myself know and that I love life and I'm going on a great new path.

Take care Rosie, you have good sense and wisdom, carry on your healthy journey, you will have some that may be envious and some that may shock you but all in all it is your life.

bonbon

[rosie]

Thank guys - those words mean a lot. Couldn't sleep last night, although I've been going to sleep like a baby this past week. Felt all kinds of anxiety again, not necessarily about the booze, just generally. I've had to get up mega early for work so I've had about 4 hours and have woke up still feeling low.

But you're right Norma, this was hard and it will get easier. Jft glad you're still going strong! I'm with you in finding out who "me" is without the booze. And Bonbon, you're words rang so true. Although people only think I'm giving up for a month, I kind of expected more of a general hurrah. Instead I got met with negative comments all round. I also think you may be right in the envious part - I think that is ahead too.

Sod them all - it IS my life.

[fakestrong]

Hi Rosie,
great that you managed your night out soo well. You are 4 sober days ahead of me. Congratulations -they say the first 30 days are the hardest. I couldnt give you good advice about this matter-going out sober was not the problem - my problem was staying home and drowning my emotions in alcohol.

But i also have experienced people commenting on you not-drinking.and I have a certain feeling about it. isnt it that that the ones who notice and comment on your drinking are the ones who should take care of their own drinking...? People who dont have a problem dont care about what people drink they just want to meet you,talk to you and have a good time. If someone comments on my non-drinking. I just tend to say 'It is good for you -just try it yourself'.

Keep staying sober rosie. I will as well.

[rosie]

Thanks fakestrong. I quite agree - those people do seem to have something of a problem themselves.

Glad to hear you're doing well - on Day 11 hey? I've been looking out for you and not seen you post much so good to hear that you're still sober with us.

Take care and keep posting.

[littlekings]

When I was with a group of people who did not care if I actually drank, I said I was taking medicine and could not drink alcohol. No problem.

When I was with a group of serious drinkers, I drank ginger ale . . . and I left after making a sociable appearance.