Random questions about life after alcohol

[Gregarrio]

Halloh!

I just posted this in my blog as a response to very kind and helpful Holly, but I was hoping maybe to get a broader response from some of you who are "enjoying" a successful quit right now.

I'm a single 27 y/o guy in college, going to graduate in May for civil engineering, and hopefully have a job lined up (provided they don't find out about my dui). I'm afraid that if I have to avoid alcohol, I'll turn into a lonely, loveless, miserable hermit that has to force himself to wake up each day to go to a job with no passion, no excitement, no fulfillment, just so I can pay the bills that maintain this mundane existence. (Lack of passion is a big thing. It only comes in flickers and then fizzles quickly. There's a certain amount of depression here I'm sure.)

So here are some questions for the big quitters out there. If it's too personal don't bother with it. I'm just trying to quell some fears and scare up some inspiration. Thanks!

So....

Do you find life easier or harder maintaining sobriety?
Was there ever a threshold you crossed where it became easier to maintain your quit?
When you were drinking, did life seem dull and boring, without passion?
How is your energy level now?
Do you find yourself more motivated?
What do you do for fun? Any new things you didn't do before?
Is it actually fun, or just a substitute for booze?
Who do you hang out with? Is it because you really like them, or because they're the easiest not to drink around?
Are you dating? If so, how without alcohol? If not, why?
How's the nightlife? Any excitement?


Do you feel like you're missing out?



Besides the addiction and psychological issues, one of the reasons I keep giving into drinking is because I'm afraid I won't have a 'life' without it. Or if I do, it will be a miserable existence based solely on avoiding alcohol. A painful, tortuous battle constantly raging in my head.

I really appreciate your insight, thanks for reading.

Greg

[Hoots]

Question overload...

I will say that life is much easier to deal with sober than drunk...don't get me wrong I still have horrible days I don't want to face. Its just that alcohol makes me a coward in that I don't face my fears or troubles face to face and they linger and linger, until I breakdown. Now, I usually just take care of the problem and move on.

I usually always had fun drinking at the expense of my health...physically, mentally and emotionally. I had and still have to find new routines to replace the old routines. If I keep doing what I used to do, I will never change and fall back to where I was. I need to let my brain know that I can have fun without spirits.

Do I feel left out? At times I do. I haven't found a lot of new things to replace the old ones so there's not much for me to do. I get bored. I've turned down parties and gatherings that prolly would have been fun but I know I couldn't control myself. I lost drinking buds.

However, I won't feel so left out when I get my new life together and find friends that won't pressure me into drinking...real friends who will be there for me because there have only been two friends that have visited me since I've been hurt and off work.

My best friend and my boyfriend...whom drink are the ones who pressure me the most and have yet to stop over to see me. They are not my friends nor will he be my b/f when he gets back from his trip.

There have been times where my friends have been arrested for drunk driving, locals killed in drunk crashes or the latest when some drunk got smoked in the road while trying to cross the street wasted, when friends start developing health problems...I don't feel so left out.

I see it as me getting a head start because at some point my drinking buds will either cut back, get locked up, quit, develope health problems or die. Why wait for them? This is my life...not theirs. We are all built different. My body is obviously telling me something or else I wouldn't be thinking that I have an alcohol issue.

Hoots

[John]

Do you find life easier or harder maintaining sobriety?

Much easier. There is no comparison!

Was there ever a threshold you crossed where it became easier to maintain your quit?

Gosh yes - but at this point, not sure I can pinpoint at exactly what point in time. For me, it has gotten progressively easier over time. It is not exactly a linear relationship, but it gets easier. There was a point between 4-6 months for me where it became much easier but that may vary.

When you were drinking, did life seem dull and boring, without passion?

Only near the end.

How is your energy level now?

Fantastic most of the time. Energy level is one of the biggest changes for me.

Do you find yourself more motivated?

Without question, I am more motivated.

What do you do for fun? Any new things you didn't do before?

I'm generally a lot more adventurous now than I was before. That could be Scuba Diving, hiking, or going to see something interesting. Before I was more vegetative.

Is it actually fun, or just a substitute for booze?

It's not a chore at all. Booze was very fun for the first 3-4 drinks, but pretty boring after that to me. An hour of extreme entertainment isn't all that great when you look at it objectively.

Who do you hang out with? Is it because you really like them, or because they're the easiest not to drink around?

My family and some of the same friends as before along with some new ones. Drinking buddies are not inherently "more fun". Really.

Are you dating? If so, how without alcohol? If not, why?

I'm dating my wife without alchohol.

How's the nightlife? Any excitement?

Nightlife is less exciting to be perfectly candid.

Do you feel like you're missing out?

I sometimes yearn for the old nightlife. Other than that, absolutely not.

[Gregarrio]

Sorry for blowing the "too many question" fuse. BTW, is there an unspoken etiquette about how long posts should be? I just get ramblin' and ramblin' and forget that I actually want somebody to be able to read all this crap!

Thanks for the insight though Hoots, the interest is most appreciated :)

Greg

[Gregarrio]

Thanks John Vaughn! I appreciate the honesty about the nightlife thing. That used to be such a glamorous, intoxicating feeling in and of itself to be in a big tall city with the boys, ready to get shitty.

Good insight on the objective view of the amount of fun you actually get. I can't stand how I feel after 4 beers, but I keep going because it's better than stopping and going through a waking hangover. Weird to get to that place.

I'm really worried about the dating thing, though I must say that my last girlfriend basically blames our relationship ending because of my drinking. I actually broke up with her though because it kinda fizzled out. May have been bc of the drinking though.

Most of the people I've dated has involved alcohol to break the ice. Now I'm a social guy, but I get tongue tied and awkward as soon as I realize I like someone. A couple drinks usually cleared that right up, not all that intoxicated, but I could be myself. Totally a crutch, but I'm not so sure of how to get over that. Gotta be a confidence thing.

Hard to be confident in a self that doesn't do much but work, sleep, eat, and drink with buddies though, kinda empty I guess. Using that motivation could help me get into more adventures and such. That would probably make me more confident, cut down on that awkwardness. And it would be more from the inside instead of a chemical barrier to blanket my insecurities about a life that probably justifies those insecurities in the first place.

Okay, starting to write too much again. I clip it here.

[philo237]

I hate waking hangovers and have kept drinking many times to avoid them, that is something I can really relate to, G.

One question: can you do your schoolwork drunk?

[Gregarrio]

No homework when I'm drunk. Sometimes I think I can have a couple during the final stretch of an assignment. But then I don't even finish, I just stop caring about it and move onto something I consider fun, which I can't think of what that is besides just "being f*d up". Hmmm.... It's starting to make sense to me here. Thanks guys

[HollyJM]

Hope you don't mind me turning tables and asking you a question, but I wondered how things went when with the guys, getting shitty. :D

Ever get the beer goggles, my friend? I don't know what's worse, getting them or (at my age) feeling sure you're being viewed through them.

Now I'm a social guy, but I get tongue tied and awkward as soon as I realize I like someone. A couple drinks usually cleared that right up, not all that intoxicated, but I could be myself. Totally a crutch, but I'm not so sure of how to get over that. Gotta be a confidence thing. Hard to be confident in a self that doesn't do much but work, sleep, eat, and drink with buddies though, kinda empty I guess.

All work, sleep, eating and drinking makes us Capital-B Boring, too. I was thinking, being tongue-tied and awkward because you like someone probably makes you more charming to women than you realize. That's when you're really being yourself.

[Gregarrio]

Good call on the beer goggles. I've had a few very regretful experiences because of that whole effect. And what's worse, I think I went through with it out of a need to just be wanted, didn't matter by who. Woke up feeling so disgusting. Ick!

I never knew tongue tying could be considered cute, but I guess as long as your genuine :) .

Thanks for the conversation today, it's really helped. Of course I did have a beer tonight, totally flaked off all that I thought about today, then started thinking more about it and kept it at one. Still playing with fire, I know. I hope it's not going to take something really bad to give me the strength to just QUIT!

I'm going to keep coming on here and reading though. The journals really help to keep me focused on what it is that I really want, besides always trying to escape. When I've got the laptop on my lap and I'm reading, it's so clear what I need to do. Then I put it down, do something else, and go back to my "moderation" thinking. I gotta keep reading to remind myself.

[Hoots]

No the questions were good..just an overload for my lil brain..HAHAH!

[moonbeam]

If I stop drinking will I have a boring life and become boring seems to be a very strong theme for most of us here. I currently am at six months(woohoo) and have felt really good until recently and then I started thinking about Xmas and how I am going to 'enjoy' it without booze. But then I got invited to a few things including one where - without realising - I tried to find out if one particular person was coming because he is a complete boring pain in the backside when he has a few drinks.
So then I thought why not try and get in touch with the kid inside and enjoy Xmas (and life) with all my wonderful new found energy, clear head, ambition, fresh skin, lost pounds for that party dress, and ability to thrash everyone at killer scrabble at two in the morning.
x:cool:

[serenitysearcher]

Hi Greg -

I can't answer all of those in one fell swoop, but I can tell you that I started my first quit when I was 25. Before I quit, I was worried that I would be missing out, that I'd be boring, that I wouldn't be any fun or have any fun.

My worries were unfounded...I had just as much fun - more in fact - after I got sober.

I'm 22 months into my second quit and I can say that it is still better...and this is after going back to drinking (after 10 years) because I wondered if I was missing out. I wasn't missing anything.

And now, I'm not missing any of the "good times" I had while drinking. Not at all.

[indigoiis]

These are great questions!

Do you find life easier or harder maintaining sobriety?
Life became instantly easier when I quit, especially dealing with things like fixing my bad credit, long procastinated tasks, and big projects.

Was there ever a threshold you crossed where it became easier to maintain your quit?
Yeah, the first time I went on a trip without booze (to NYC with my at the time 11 yr old daughter,) so technically I was "alone" and not watched and was very conscious that I was making a choice, rather than being "forced." It was much easier after that. That was about three months in. I met Freya on that trip! It was a little hard because it was Christmas and there was booze everywhere. But my daughter and I went to a chic restaurant and got Pellegrino and had it in wine glasses, and an expensive dessert, and then went on a ride through the park in a pedi-cab! It was great to see I could still have fun without booze.

When you were drinking, did life seem dull and boring, without passion?
Not really. I've always been very high energy and I hid my alcohol dependence as well as I could so that I could keep drinking without my s.o. suspecting a problem. I was, and still am, a big believer in trying new things and getting out and taking risks.

How is your energy level now? It's lower - it's not really lower but just more level. But I'm older now. So no I don't stay up late and hang out at parties or take midnight walks in the woods like I used to. Then again, some of the stuff I did while drinking was pretty idiotic (including driving - slaloming - in a snowstorm - for which I got a nice fat DUI.)

Do you find yourself more motivated?
Way more.
I got an awesome job and for the first time in my life I feel I am working in a place that really challenges me - at the same time I KNOW that it is my attitude - more of a "Yes" attitude than a "NO" attitude - that helps me move forward in this position. I know that comes from my experiences quitting drinking and smoking. It made me stronger and more self-aware and able to problem-solve better, and to find solutions to issues rather than feel like a victim of them.

What do you do for fun? Any new things you didn't do before?
I read a lot more than I did before, and I do more with my family. But it's not really different from when I was drinking, just a lot less focused on myself. I'm able to let go a little better and to feel like it's REALLY me and not the booze talking. So, we do stuff we did when we drank (my SO quit too) but it's just more clearly enjoyed for the activity now, rather than the anticipation of the end of the activity *when we would be "rewarded" with a beer. Like, we still hike, but now we don't rush, and we enjoy it more. The reward is in the doing. We're unfettered by the need to push it all down with booze.

Is it actually fun, or just a substitute for booze?
That's a good question, because, I drank for fun. I drank to feel good, not bad. I think that's what a lot of people don't get - that we don't drink to feel worse. Once I realized that, I was like, hey, wow, I'm drinking to feel good - so what am I not feeling good about that the drink is helping out with? It was really a huge hurdle in the first year, because everything that was fun was also associated with booze. I mean, it's not fun to get a DUI, but that's a consequence of drinking. So, the actual activities (snow tubing, hiking, traveling, sailing, kayaking) had to be kind of re-learned. Anyhow, what I'm saying is, I didn't substitute the booze, because the booze was already a part of what I was doing for fun. I just had to reshape fun to not include booze anymore.

Who do you hang out with? Is it because you really like them, or because they're the easiest not to drink around?
I don't really hang out with the same people I did before the quit. I found that really the only thing a lot of us had in common was our love for a good party and a good beer or wine. I see some of them occasionally, but I prefer to hang out at home. I do enjoy the company of a few close friends and they do drink, but it doesn't really bother me. I do notice it, though.
One thing about quitting is, it really opens your eyes to what you want in a friendship and relationship. Suddenly, it's all about being real. And booze prevents that. So if you have a good friend who can get through that without feeling threatened by your quit, then that friend is a true one.

Are you dating? If so, how without alcohol? If not, why?
No, but I'm married and for the first year, sex was awkward. For the life of our relationship, booze had always been a part of that. So it took some time, but our relationship got better. Quitting cuts out a LOT of drama. My DH is a very pragmatic, practical, reticent person and that used to drive me nuts as a drinker - but now I realize how good I've got it - something I overlooked before in my high-drama state.

How's the nightlife? Any excitement? My definition of excitement and nightlife changed. It had to. I found that I can't just go to a bar and sit there and not be bored out of my scull. We do go to a great old club up in the city where we have seen three of my favorite bands, and that's great fun. We go out to dinner. Because your focus changes, you start to see how pointless sitting around drinking situations is. I try to see it through my kid's eyes. She hates adult parties because "everyone stands around talking about nothing." It's so true. What is fun for a fifteen year old? A twelve year old? I try to hark back to those days and remember what was special to me. So, a midnight game of parcheesi, or sitting on the floor with three dogs and a couple of cats, I know it sounds lame but, it's just so much better than the bar scene.

Do you feel like you're missing out? Sometimes, or, moreso in the beginning when the AV kept saying, "well, all your friends are at the party tonight and here you are at home." But I made sure to get out and go to the parties at first so I could see what the major importance was. And it was always booze. Going to a party sober is a real eye-opener. People who you like and respect suddenly start doing stupid shit that you didn't notice before, and all because of booze. I don't judge my friends but I did feel a little holier-than-thou when I got to drive home clearheaded and woke up the next morning with no hangover.

Four years booze-free and now I can safely say, I'm not missing out. I look at the marketing for companies like Turning Leaf and Sam Adams, and objectively understand that it was all done for the almighty dollar, and I was a drone that bought it. I didn't want to be that girl anymore. The real me, and I'm not saying she's always better, but always real, has finally gotten her chance to shine, faults and all. I can take responsibility for myself now. I can take credit for when I do something right or make someone happy, and I can take the shit when it hits the fan. I spent fifteen years playing the booze game, and I won in the end. I would never go back for all the Turning Leaf commercial moments in the world. Because they are not real.

Thanks for asking.
Good stuff!
Now get on with your own awesome booze-free journey!
Indy

[pathtohealth]

# Do you find life easier or harder maintaining sobriety?
At first it was difficult for me I have to admit but as the months rolled by and I never gave in to drinking it has become much easier overall and I really really like feeling sober.

# Was there ever a threshold you crossed where it became easier to maintain your quit?
For me it was in my 11 month for some reason. I had times in my early quit that were good too but since November I have been feeling more consistent not having the AV attack me as frequently. Now with that said I hope I get through today without it bugging me!
# When you were drinking, did life seem dull and boring, without passion?
Yes!
# How is your energy level now? Great, and I have been told by people in the community I know I look 10 yrs younger ( they do not know why or anything like that but I have had comments on how healthy I look.
# Do you find yourself more motivated?
Way more motivated and naturally happy about life. I went through some roller coaster rides the first few months but I have evened out a lot and I am so much happier and able to deal with life better.
# What do you do for fun? Any new things you didn't do before?
I love walking and getting out in the community helping the homeless. I do a lot more with my children and I am way more spontaneous.
# Is it actually fun, or just a substitute for booze?
Actually fun :)
# Who do you hang out with? Is it because you really like them, or because they're the easiest not to drink around?
I am around so many people all day long that at night I prefer to be home with my children, however the people I do hang around with are positive type people and although many of them drink I seem to be able to blend in ok. I know I am never out of the "woods" so to speak in regards to drinking so always try to keep a sharp mind and not allow myself to become too comfortable in any atmosphere where there is drinking. I never wished to be fooled into thinking I can drink...
# Are you dating? If so, how without alcohol? If not, why?
I just started dating ( I am probably a lot older than you, I am in my 40's)after going on almost a year not drinking and almost 2 years out of a long marriage. I will be at a year the 30th of this month and I think I started dating a couple months ago, however I can see where everyone recommends waiting a year to seriously date anyone. I am doing great just dating this one man who is a non drinker. I have spoken with him about drinking and my quitting but not in detail. I actually really enjoy being with him and being clear headed! I would never wish to date while drinking because I can see where we can make huge mistakes that we regret.
# How's the nightlife? Any excitement?
I am not into the nightlife really, however I have gone out a couple times with friends, but I never stay out late and usually get bored with it, so I go home! I have been there and done that so now I yearn for peace and quiet!

[bigsister987]

I never knew tongue tying could be considered cute, but I guess as long as your genuine :) .



Yes it is!! :D So long as you speak up at some point. Silent men are a bit boring.

[greengirl32]

"Hard to be confident in a self that doesn't do much but work, sleep, eat, and drink with buddies though, kinda empty I guess. "


This is most people's life; the only empty part in your statement is "drink." If you feel like you need to spice life up once you stop drinking, then go for the extra things in life that make it more meaningful and fun. It's up to you to connect to these buddies with or without alcohal.

Confidence is a matter of knowing your place in this world and enjoying it as best you can, not going out and doing amazing things that may or may not impress the people you meet.