Drinking and depression

[Devushka]

Hello!

I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced profound depression AFTER they quit drinking? I hadn't really connected how much my drinking was keeping me from feeling anything--good or bad. I got as far as twelve days this week, although I was getting more and more depressed. Finally I couldn't take it any more and started drinking again. Three day binge, now I'm back on day one.

I just started therapy and was surprised when my therapist was really concerned about me quitting after 15 years of drinking and how I was going to cope emotionally. I hadn't put it together really, but I started drinking about a year or so after a bout with suicidal depression (and a half-hearted suicide attempt). I'm terrified about being sober because so much starts coming up.

I'm just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this or has dealt with this and has any advice. It seems like most people start feeling better after they quit and I just keep feeling worse and worse. Better physically, but my head is in a terrible place. I'm determined to stay quit this time, though. I've got a counseling appointment today and I'll see what my shrink says, but some help or advice from a fellow former drinker would be of immense support.

And I'm back on the forum. I really like you guys.:)

[DW]

Its good to hear you have a therapist and are under care, depression can be serious.
I found a whole load of emotions when I quit, and I am still trying to sort out stuff I buried by drinking over the years.
Be patient also, it may take a bit for the depressive effects of drinking to diminish.
It also sounds like you might consider talking to your Psych about medications, there are a few here that kept relapsing until they got treated for their depression.
Hang in there, there is help available for you, just keep trying.

[Logan]

I also used alcohol to numb emotions. And I too did not make the connection until after I quit and a flood of emotions came over me. It was like a roller coaster ride from hell. It does get better with time. I had a three month quit and it took most of it to sort everything out, but it got a little bit easier every day. Unfortunately I slipped and am on day 4 again after a few month relapse, but I am now more determined than ever. Stick with the sobriety and it will become a feeling you will want to hold on to, and if you lose it, you will desperately want it back.

And as DagWood suggests, I would definitely stick with the therapy.

[Hoots]

I'm in your boat but have denied that for a very long time. You will have rollwercoaster mood swings until your body gets used to the fact that you are not goin to numb your emotions any longer. The more you learn how to deal with your emotions and get to know them..they easier it will get for you. Talking with a counselor is one good tool. I am thinking of doing the same.

Keep strong friend,
HOots

[jonesing]

i didnt start getting down until week 7

drinking has been a band aid

starting to feel better


body readjusting says my sponsor

[peace4u]

Hi Devushka. I had and have this question too, and started a thread recently titled, still depressed after quitting drinking. I am just over 6 months sober now after trying for 1 and 1/2 years. I stuffed my grief over the death of my partner 9 years agoe with alcohol, and am now dealing with it sober, for the first time. I also have had bouts of depression all my life and started drinking when I was 13. Today I am dealing with major depression, but I have a therapist I work with weekly. I also had 3 months inpatient rehab for alcoholism and started dealing with the pain there. Although, to some degree my depression feels more debilitating now, I believe it is simply because I am facing life sober every day, and there is no where to hide from it. I stayed partially drunk for the last nine years, so I avoided facing any thing too unpleasant. I believe if I can wait this out, I will come out the other side, to a place I may not even recognize. That is my hope. My worst day sober is still better then my worst day's drunk, depression or not, I have more hope now.

Therapy is very important I believe, I get stronger by talking things out and hearing myself reflect or challenge myself. Good luck, Peace4u.

[Devushka]

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I really appreciate it.

[Charlie]

so how are you doing? feeling any better?

[Devushka]

Thanks for asking, Charlie. I'm not sure if I'm better or worse. My therapist told me yesterday that he's not going to be able to continue therapy with me. He's still in school and needs to take a break "for personal reasons". (I'm going to a school since it's fairly cheap.) He's been awesome and will help me find someone good, but I've been crying almost nonstop since I left the session. I've just been laying in bed all day. The only reason I might say I'm better is because at least now I can cry. I couldn't before. I drank last night as the pain became unbearable, but it's better today, though still really bad. I'm back on the quit, though. The vodka didn't really help and now I feel physically and emotionally horrible. Since I've been crying all day, I've noticed that it does make me feel better than drinking ever did.

This sucks, but I'll get through it...

Honestly, thanks for asking. I do appreciate it. : )

[Kirsty73]

Hi Devushka,

I too lost my partner and lived in a cloud of vodka solidly in the year and a half since he died. I stopped drinking a week ago and have been a rollercoaster since.

If you dont mind me asking, did you start drinking as soon as your partner died?

take care

Kirsty

[Devushka]

Hi Kirsty,

How are you doing? I know that rollercoaster all too well and I hope you're doing ok on it.

I think you have me confused with another warrior who lost her partner. I've never been married and so can't even begin to imagine that kind of anguish of losing someone so close to you. My deepest condolences to you.

I started drinking about a year after I tried to commit suicide while still a college student. I'm just now coming to grips with everything I've been suppressing since.

Vodka has been my "medication" of choice for far too long.

I hope you feel better. You're not alone.

[bigsister987]

I think it is Peace4u who lost her partner.